Strangely He Feels At Home In This Place
by LeviAckermanisbae
Summary: Jared sighed in distaste as another Katy Perry wannabe walked onstage. "God. You'd think they'd get tired of this shit, but no. I hate this. Can't the manager say no to at least some of these idiots?" He complained loudly. Jared, Connor, Zoe, and Evan play their hearts out to people they don't even know.


Jared sighed in distaste as another Katy Perry wannabe walked onstage. "God. You'd think they'd get tired of this shit, but no. I hate this. Can't the manager say no to at least some of these idiots?" He complained loudly. Evan shook his head, remembering the many times Jared had asked for just that. Every Friday night, the manager of A La Mode Cafe, which doubled as a bar in the evenings, would let anybody perform on his stage. He didn't pay them and they didn't pay him. Whoever wanted to just signed up and took the stage. But it caused a lot of people to come by on Friday nights, so it was a win-win for everybody considering the large tips that were earned on these nights by both the performers and the employees.

Evan suddenly saw Connor and Zoe enter the cafe, Connor holding a guitar case and her sister searching around, presumably for the two, who were now waving them over. Connor quickly excused himself to go to the restroom as soon as his sister started gushing about her newest crush to the unwitting Evan. Soon enough Jared also grew bored with Zoe's antics and left to get another drink and possibly another one of those pastries. Evan nervously listened, waiting for an ample time to say the single practiced line that he'd been wanting to say before him and Jared's turn was called and Connor got back. And after Zoe had worn herself out rambling about her girl troubles, he was able to.

"Hey, tell your brother he's a peach scone for me?" Zoe's eyebrow raised. "Okay? He's coming now, so why don't you tell him yourself?" She turned away from Evan and started walking toward the counter where Jared had taken to yelling at the cashier about some issue with his coffee while Connor approached him, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"What was that about?" Evan shrugged. "We were just talking about the performances so far." Connor seemed skeptical, but let it go. "I think your turn is actually coming up. It's right after those Beatles wannabe's, right?" Connor motioned to the group onstage who looked like they had come straight out of a Beatles album cover. "Oh, yeah." Evan paused before deciding to actually say it.

"Hey, tell your sister she's a peach scone for me?" Evan asked with a nervous smile. Connor's brows furrowed. "Why don't you? And what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?" Evan shrugged. "Because I'm a coward and I'm about to go on and Idon'thavetimetoexplain,butyou'llseesoon." Evan was suddenly gone, him and Jared taking up the small stage, Evan with a guitar and Jared at the drum set that had been sitting there all evening.

Evan awkwardly took up the spot in front of the microphone and started rambling awkwardly about their small band. "Sorry. What up, Bob? Hey, look at that, that's a desk." He gestured to an empty table in the back of the bar. "Just kidding, Bob. That's a table. I don't care about rules." He grimaced awkwardly, a few people chuckling at the small boy's obvious awkwardness.

He absolutely hated Jared for making him ramble on about a table to start of the show. Of course it had been Jared's idea and now that he'd done it, he was absolutely quaking with nervousness. And the Bob thing seemed so stupid. Actually, maybe it was stupider to ask Connor to tell Zoe that she was a peach scone and vice versa. Yeah, he was definitely regretting that now. Connor was probably going to murder him.

 _"Hi. What's your name? How are you? How's your life?_ _Oh, you got a man? Are you in love? If so, what type?"_ Evan's voice cracked on the last note pathetically. He winced, already hating this experience. A couple drunks in the back cheered loudly and obnoxiously.

 _"Is it just platonic, strictly just as friends?_ _Or the type that ties you two together 'til tomorrow's end?_ _If it is, disregard every time I call you pretty._ _Though it's meant sincerely, it's just my imagination drifting._ _Brush me off like the dirt on Jay-Z's shoulders._ _So I fall to the ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart."_ Evan paused for a split second and smiled awkwardly. _"_ _Or at least your spare time."_

Evan suddenly yelled the second half of the next line, seemingly in frustration, however it was more to cover the anxiety attack that was quickly closing in on him. He felt so awkward and stupid singing onstage. Jared started playing the drums behind Evan, giving the song a little more depth.

 _"And I love the thought of being with you o_ _r maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."_ There was some laughter around the bar as Evan sidled behind the mic, his voice closing off awkwardly.

 _"The second one's way sadder than the first one, b_ _ut I don't know._ _I love the thought of being with you."_ Jared crowed like a rooster behind Evan, startling him into almost knocking over the mic. Jared smiled at Evan in encouragement, obviously more pumped about this experience than Evan. Evan smiled back at him and yelled the next lyric and sung more confidently.

 _"Or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone. Man, I really love being in love, but I also really love not crying on the-"_ Evan suddenly cut himself off and rambled into a completely different tangent.

 _"We should go and get a cup of coffee._ _And I'll act friendly and I won't pull any stunts, b_ _ut I'm a friggin' stunt puller from birth._ _So I don't know what to tell you i_ _f I try to confess my love for-"_ His voice cracked again awkwardly and he paused before him and Jared yelled the next lyric together. _"Scones!"_ Evan leaned over the mic stand and put a finger over his lips.

 _"I just wanna say something real quick, please shh, listen._ _I love-"_ He paused, breathing slowly into the mic in an attempt to calm down.

 _"These scones."_ Evan started rambling, quickly getting distracted within his awkward little tangent.

 _"Just the diversity between the selection they have here._ _The blueberry, the raspberry, strawberry, pumpkin, e_ _ven, which is basically a friggin' squash._ _How they gonna make a scone out of a freaking squash?_ _That shit blows my mind. Oh, man."_ A few people laughed drunkenly and Evan smiled, half in appreciation and half in fear that they were laughing because they thought he was making a fool of himself in a not-good way.

 _"But what were you talking about? I'm so sorry to interrupt._ _Oh yeah, your boyfriend made you mad the other day?_ _What was he saying? Oh, what do I think? Hmm._ _He was being mean at that part- point?_ _But I'm sure he's gonna turn around at some... point."_ He smiled brightly in an attempt to cover up the breakdown he was sure he was about to have.

 _"And_ _I love the thought of being with you o_ _r maybe it's the thought of not being so alone._ _The second one's way sadder than the first one, b_ _ut I don't know._ _I love the thought of being with you o_ _r maybe it's the thought of not being so alone._ _Shit, I love being- I love being loved, but d_ _on't like crying on the phone."_ He suddenly started to talk with a little bit of a defensive tone, quickly speaking with a lot of brightness soon thereafter as he rambled.

 _"Hi, wassup?_ _Yeah, what's going on?_ _Oh yeah, she told me a lot about you, yeah, uh-huh._ _It's so great you're doing all of those things._ _You should keep doing all of them, I think. O_ _h yeah, my name's Evan Hansen._ _People like to say I'm a rapper, I'm actually not._ _I play guitar, but I'm not as good as Jared._ _But yeah, she like- she's so nice._ _She was so nice and cared about me when no one else did. And I think that's really nice._ _She's just a peach-"_ Evan paused before leaning into the mic and whispering the next lyric just loud enough for everyone to hear. " _Scone._ _She's a peach scone, Bob."_ He smiled as he glanced at the Murphy siblings, who both stood up to flip him off, joking smiles evident on both their faces.

 _"And_ _I love the thought of being with her._ _I just really hope that she doesn't get hurt, y'know?_ _They say it takes two years to come back down to Earth f_ _rom that lovely place that you've been, I heard it's so nice._ _Good for you guys, I'm- I'm glad._ _And if you find someone who loves you for who you are, k_ _eep loving 'em, man cuz_ _that shit happens like, once in a lifetime, y'know?_ _And who am I to get in the way of someone living their lifetime Y'know?"_ He smiled, hand gripping his shirt where he could feel his heart trying to pry itself from his chest. A couple of guys in a group in the back of the bar cheered loudly, while a lot of the other people in the bar clapped more politely than anything.

Evan quickly scurried offstage, Jared following after him with less need for speed. They took the table with the Murphy's who were getting ready to go onstage. Connor quickly flipped Evan off with a smile before following his sister onto the stage. Zoe took the drums while her brother stood in front of the microphone with his guitar. She handed the DJ her phone and AUX cord and pointed to something on the phone. The DJ gave them a thumbs up and plugged the phone in. "Hey, we're just going to play two songs, so if you'll just be patient with us?" Connor's head swiveled as Zoe tried to catch his attention. He nodded before leaning into the mic. "Also, eat a dick, Hansen." Evan whooped unabashedly, Jared thumping him on the back with a smirk.

Connor started strumming the opening lines of the song, Zoe softly playing drums behind him. As Connor sang, his voice was kind of strained and as if he'd just been smoking (Evan didn't doubt that he had). Zoe seemed to be hopping from one beat to another, not particularly sticking to a single string of rhythm.

 _"I was higher than the nosebleed. I,_ _I turn up 'til my nose bleed. I b_ _lacked out in the black car._ _I was trying to feel like a rockstar, but_ _I can't just do one now, no._ _I've been way too numb now._ _I'm living on the run now._ _Oh I gotta get out of this town somehow."_ Zoe started playing louder than Connor, which wasn't much since the two hadn't been playing that loud to start with.

 _"'Cause the bad's been slowly getting worse._ _And this fast lane, living, it's a curse._ _Better tell me what's your life worth._ _I think it's time for a change._ _'Cause the bad's been slowly getting worse._ _And this fast lane, living, it's a curse._ _Better tell me what's your life worth._ _I think it's time for a change._ _'Cause the drugs don't work-"_ Zoe started playing a steady beat now, her hands steadily guiding the drumsticks across the drums at lightning speed.

 _"Anymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work, a_ _nymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work."_ The beat calmed down again and Connor started playing a little less.

" _I couldn't find the thrill again. I c_ _ouldn't seem to kill the pain. I,_ _I was living in the moment s_ _earching for a little serotonin, b_ _ut this shit ain't so fun now._ _I, can't tell what the come down._ _I've been living on the run now._ _Oh I gotta get out of this town somehow."_ Connor smiled softly, singing with just a hint of that monotonous tone he spoke to people with when he really didn't give a shit.

 _"'Cause the bad's been slowly getting worse._ _And this fast lane, living, it's a curse._ _Better tell me what's your life worth._ _I think it's time for a change._ _'Cause the bad's been slowly getting worse._ _And this fast lane, living, it's a curse._ _Better tell me what's your life worth._ _I think it's time for a change._ _'Cause the drugs don't work a_ _nymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work, a_ _nymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work, a_ _nymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work, a_ _nymore, anymore, a_ _nymore, now the drugs don't work."_ Connor started playing an amazing guitar solo as he yelled the lyrics into the mic.

 _"Overdose, overdose, overdose, o_ _verdose, overdose, overdose._ _All fun and games 'til I hit the floor comatose._ _Overdose, all fun and games 'til I hit the floor comatose._ _Overdose, overdose, all fun and games 'til I hit the floor comatose._ _Overdose."_ There was scattered applause as Zoe gave the DJ the cue to hit play on her phone, causing a siren-like sound to emit from the overhead speakers.

 _"My mother, she told me_ _'Don't get in trouble.'_ _My father, he told me h_ _e knew I would._ _My brothers, they told me-"_ A couple guys in the back, who were blatantly smoking in a no-smoking-zone hollered, a couple of them yelling the next lyric with Connor. _"'Don't give a damn.'"_

 _"My sister, she told me_ _to do something good."_ Connor started singing quickly, his voice going up and down with each note.

 _"I'm uncontrollable, emotional, chaotically proportional._ _I'm visceral, reloadable._ _I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy."_

 _"Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted."_

 _"My mother, she told me_ _'Don't be a quitter.'_ _My father, he told me h_ _e knew I was._ _My brothers, they told me_ _'Do what you do.'_ _My sister, she told me_ _to do something good."_

 _"I'm uncontrollable, emotional,_ _chaotically proportional._ _I'm visceral, reloadable._ _I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy."_

 _"Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted."_

 _"My mother, she told me..._ _My father, he told me..._ _I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy."_

 _"Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _Everybody in the world knows I'm a little twisted._ _I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy."_

Connor and Zoe both bowed dramatically and left the stage to find Evan and Jared at their table. Jared quickly stood up before the two siblings sat down, saluting before running off onto the stage. Connor and Zoe were both giggly after their performance and quickly delved into conversation with Evan. When Jared's voice sounded over the speakers, they quieted down so they could listen to whatever comedic song he'd come up with.

"This is for the people who are having a rough time out there. Now listen up." Jared snapped open his keyboard and started playing an upbeat chord, singing over the sound of piano.

 _"Have you ever felt sad or lonely?_ _Have you ever felt two feet tall?_ _Have you ever thought 'Man, if only I was anybody else at all'?_ _They like to kick you when times get rough a_ _nd you give your all but it's not enough._ _And sticks and stones might break your bones, b_ _ut words can break your heart._ _And if you don't know where to go._ _I'll show you where to start-"_ Jared suddenly smiled mischievously. Evan and Connor glanced at each other with slight concern as to where this was going. Both boys knew about how Jared's songs had been considered very controversial, although he was able to make people laugh about it and seemingly ignore the fact that the subjects he sung about were somewhat of a verbal war zone.

 _"Kill yourself._ _It'll only take a minute a_ _nd you'll be happy that you did it._ _Just go over to your oven and shove your head in it._ _Kill yourself._ _Really, you should do it._ _There's really nothing to it._ _Just grab a mug and chug a cup of lighter fluid!"_ Both boys eyes widened as Jared sung the chorus, an old ache pulsing through both the boys, who were suddenly regretting ever having said anything about their separate attempts to Jared. There was no way that this would end well and both of them believed the song to be directed at them, which they weren't necessarily wrong about.

"OK, now. I feel like you've pulled back. Maybe it's on account of the fact that I'm telling you to kill yourself over and over again," Jared said, leaning forward and addressing the crowd, which laughed and cheered. He paused for a moment before continuing his speech earnestly. "I'm just trying to make a simple point that these—that life's toughest problems don't have simple answers. You shouldn't just be brave, you shouldn't just roar. You shouldn't kill yourself." He paused for a moment to let those words sink in. Connor and Evan listened silently, both seeing the carefully crafted words, which were meant to be comforting, but also seemed to stab at the boys' hearts at the same time. He continued, stumbling over his words purposefully. "But I understand that it's a sensitive subject, and you're probably just hearing me say that. And I've dealt with sh—I don't wanna be insens—look-" He sighed with some exasperation before continuing into the song again.

 _"I sound unempathetic._ _I sound mean and rude._ _Suicide is an epidemic._ _And I don't want to be misconstrued._ _Signs of depression go overlooked._ _So if you're depressed t_ _hen you need to book a_ _therapy session, t_ _alk about your depression, a_ _nd let a professional hear it._ _But if you search for moral wisdom in Katy Perry's lyrics, then-"_ Jared suddenly rolled his eyes, letting everyone once again know how much he hated Katy Perry.

 _"Kill yourself._ _It won't be painful._ _If you are able._ _To give a little kiss to an oncoming train._ _You'll kill yourself._ _It's over, mull it._ _There's a trigger, pull it._ _Get it through your head, 'it' being a bullet._ _Stick your tongue in a plug._ _Suck a pipe of exhaust._ _Make some toast in the tub._ _Nail yourself to a cross._ _Hold your breath 'til it's gone._ _Drink a gallon of mace._ _Be gay in Iran._ _Let Oprah sit on your face._ _Jump off of a bridge._ _Skinny dip in a flood._ _Skydive attached to a fridge._ _Drink a Haitian guy's blood._ _Break into the zoo._ _Give a tiger a shove._ _Eat a Phillips head screw._ _Marry Courtney Love."_ The crowd cheered as Jared folded up his keyboard and made his way back to their table.

"Jared!" Connor and Evan exclaimed at the same time. The two boys glanced at each other before Jared stood between them, facing Evan. "Btw I signed you up for another slot in an hour, Evan." The blonde's panic immediately showed on his face. "Jared! Why-? I don't even- even have anything prepared! _What the fuck?_ "

Jared shrugged in response to Evan's panic. "You have that _This is Home_ song. Why don't you just play that?"

"That song isn't even _finished,_ " Evan hissed. Connor raised a hand as if he was asking a teacher for permission to speak before commenting, "Is nobody going to address the fact that Jared just fucking said btw in speech? Am I the only one bothered by that?"

Jared and Evan chose to ignore him. "Dude, it's mostly finished. Plus you can just play it the way it is now. It's fine just the way it is." Evan shook his head. "No, it isn't. Do you remember how long we practiced for that last song before I actually felt comfortable enough to play it here?"

Jared nodded solemnly. "Five weeks of practicing for three hours everyday together. And then, you'd proceed to spend two more hours everyday on your own practicing because you're a fucking perfectionist. We get it. Is it possible for you to chill for two minutes? Should I get you some alcohol? Will that help you loosen up? Because you're going to do fine. None of that tireless practicing is necessary. No, look at me." Jared grabbed Evan's face, squishing his cheeks. "You are fine. You'll do great. Turn that brain of yours off because overthinking it is what makes you screw up, not the fact that you are bad at this. Because you, you are good at what you do. Now go get my guitar out of the back of the van and get your ass into gear. Now, go!" He whirled Evan around toward the cafe's exit and shoved him.

Evan rolled his eyes, but did so nonetheless.

The subject of Jared's song went unnoticed and soon Evan was back onstage with an acoustic guitar in his hands. He had a small smile on his face, which Jared amounted to the fact that the boy had probably also taken some medication for his anxiety while he was tweaking the song in the van. Nonetheless Evan strummed the intro to the song without introducing himself or his song for fear that he'd screw that up too.

 _"Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess t_ _his avoids the stress of falling out of it."_ He paused as he watched his hands, making sure he didn't mess up. " _Are you tired of me yet? I'm a little sick right now but I swear w_ _hen I'm ready I will fly us out of here."_ He looked up to see a couple people watching him, transfixed. He started humming in melody along to the lyrics.

 _"I'll cut my hair t_ _o make you stare._ _I'll hide my chest._ _And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here."_ He hummed in melody with his guitar, closing his eyes for a moment as he swayed from side to side along to the music.

 _"Turn off your porcelain face. I can't really think right now and this place h_ _as too many colours, enough to drive all of us insane._ _Are you dead? Sometimes I think I'm dead 'c_ _ause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head._ _But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet."_ He hummed along, trying not to think about the eyes that bored into him. He was grateful that he'd taken some medication beforehand, although it made him a little numb. But it was fine as long as the anxiety was less prominent.

 _"My eyes went dark._ _I don't know where._ _My pupils are._ _But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here."_ He was a stark difference from the boy that had awkwardly sung onstage with Jared earlier that night. He started singing with a little bit of hostility, moving toward and away from the mic as he played. He caught sight of Connor, who sat wide-eyed next to his sister. He smiled shyly at them.

 _"Get a load of this monster._ _He doesn't know how to communicate._ _His mind is in a different place._ _Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?_ _Get a load of this trainwreck._ _His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet. B_ _ut little do we know, the stars w_ _elcome him with open arms. Oh."_ He paused for a moment again, strumming carefully and quietly as he hummed in melody.

 _"Time is s_ _lowly t_ _racing his face, b_ _ut strangely he feels at home in this place."_ As everyone in the cafe cheered and Evan made his way back toward his friends, they all thought about how far they'd come and realized that things were going to get better.


End file.
